God only places you where you are meant to be

How many people wonder, “what the heck am I doing”? Why am I not in X place in my life? Why am I not married? Have children? Have the job of my dreams? The why’s continue because we have these misconstrued ideas of by what age we should be doing certain things in life. Christian communities and secular society gives us a blue print of expectations of what we should be accomplishing and by what age it has to be done. For instance, in school there is a sequence that we are expected to follow in order to complete high school. After high school, there are career programs one may decide to do or attend college/university in order to achieve a certain goal.  Careers have road maps that one must follow in order to achieve a specific career path.

There is a lot of pressures to fit into these expectations. When we don’t, it is so easy to feel upset, depressed and even undervalued by the people around us. The reality is, this set of expectations the secular world and the Christian community place on us is unfair because not everyone is called into marriage, parenthood, to work 40+ hours a week and more. I know some people that are super happy being adoptive parents to their cats and dogs. They don’t want to be parents to human children and that’s okay. There are others who have six kids and love it.

It is a lot of pressure to live up to since everyone’s journey is different. I have friends who are the same age as me and they have been married for ten, twenty years and have children, some as old as 19, 20, 21. I will admit that it is easy to get envious but at the same time, for now I also realize that this isn’t part of my journey, at least not yet. Time will tell if my turn comes.

The reality is, when we decide to follow the Christian faith, we are accepting the fact that our journey will be different from others. We aren’t called to live cookie cutter lives but rather the road less taken.

Robert Frost’s poem “The Road Not Taken” does an amazing job in explaining the journey we undertake.

The Road Not Taken

BY ROBERT FROST

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.[1]

The lines: “I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.” Are lines that as Christians it is important to remember because they are the roads that God chooses for us to travel on. Sometimes they are full of laughter, and other times, they are full of challenges. The stories I could and will share in future posts will show the road less traveled is the most rewarding gift of them all. Life is hard sometimes but God is always there.

This doesn’t mean that we aren’t meant to be happy nor are we meant to stay in unhealthy or awful relationships, work places, or even marriages. God doesn’t call us to be in unsafe environments. It has been my experience when dealing with the following scenarios:  such as abusive boyfriend, unhealth work environment, and more that God sends us people to help us find the resources to improve and/or get out of these situations. Social media when used correctly and in a healthy manner can be incredible in helping others in need as well as receiving the resources one needs to  either improve and get out of unhealthy lifestyles.

There are all sorts of wonderful groups. For instance where I live: “Montrealers Helping Montrealers” is an amazing Facebook group that enables people to help each other out as well as a safe place to seek help too. I am sure similar groups reside across the world. If they don’t, you can always start one. For example, if one is unhappy with their job, it is perfectly alright to go to a local employment office to have one’s CV and cover letter checked before starting the arduous task of applying for a new job. Some challenges are good because it enables us to gain new skills in life whether it is inside the work environment such as new computer programs, or tasks or even to improve our own interpersonal skills such as learning to set boundaries.

I’ve learned that life doesn’t always have to be happy, but one does need to be safe wherever they are. If they aren’t, God always sends people to help. The message isn’t always what we want to hear, trust me, I have experienced that, but it is always meant to be helpful or at the very least thought provoking. Sometimes too, people as good hearted as they can be, can also be jerks so one also needs to use discernment when receiving some messages. For example when I was considering to return back to school a few years ago, the minister decided to ask me if I ever considered taking a career based program from one of the local career centers. Unbeknownst to her, a few days prior to her calling, I had actually went to a job fair and signed up for the secretarial program. It was a great confirmation that I was on the right track.

How do we know that at this moment, we are where we are meant to be?

Sometimes it is important to ask ourselves the following questions:

1. Am I learning?- If you are learning, it means you are growing and developing new skills that will be needed not only for future relationships but also for future opportunities.
2. Am I serving?- I work in medical archives. If you want a humbling experience, come and work here because you see all sorts of results. My job with my clinic is to not only upload test and lab results but also to read them and if be, alert the doctor of any abnormal findings such as suspicions of cancer.
3. Equipping- when you are at the right place, you are being equipped with skills for the future. In my case, because I live in Quebec, Canada, I am learning all of the medical terminology in English and in French. Google is a great help. I am also improving my French because to work here successfully one needs to basically be 100% fluent in both languages.
4. Preparing for the next steps.- At some point, one feels as if they are being prepared for the next steps. Sometimes it is looking for another job, sometimes it is;
5. Being mature to make some difficult decisions too.- Sometimes it is important to set boundaries for toxic people, family members, supervisors and more. Sometimes too, the best gift one can give themselves is to cut people out. I may write a piece on this in the future.
6. Having courage- it is important to have courage to identify when something is unhealthy in their life and to have the courage to do something about it. Such as if one is unhappy with their job, try looking for another. Marriage (non abusive) see if the other will go into marriage counselling. Abusive- don’t be afraid to involve the authorities and use the resources available to one’s benefit. Remember you aren’t alone.

Whatever happens, please know you have a community that loves you. With God by your side, you are never alone.

Philippians 4:13 states: “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”

(NRSV)

[1] https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44272/the-road-not-taken